Holding Your Boundaries During the Holidays: Staying Grounded When Emotions Run High
The holidays often come with a quiet hope for warmth, connection, and “perfect moments.” Yet the reality can look very different - stressful conversations, old family patterns, unmet expectations, or feeling alone even when you’re surrounded by people.
If your holiday doesn’t match the picture you imagined, you’re not doing anything wrong. This season has a way of stirring emotions we didn’t expect. Boundaries can help you stay grounded, connected to yourself, and emotionally safe - no matter what unfolds around you.
What Boundaries Actually Are
Therapeutic boundaries are the limits and guidelines we set to protect our emotional, physical, and psychological well-being. They clarify what’s okay for us, what’s not, and what we need to feel safe and whole.
Boundaries aren’t punishments or walls.
They are acts of self-respect.
Clarity Is Essential: What the Boundary Is + What Happens If It’s Crossed
A boundary only works if you’re clear about two things:
What the boundary actually is
(“I’m only staying for two hours.”
“I’m not discussing my relationship tonight.”
“I’m limiting alcohol this year.”)What you will do if the boundary is crossed
(“If the conversation keeps going there, I’ll step outside.”
“If you continue pushing drinks on me, I’ll leave.”)
It’s your job - not anyone else’s - to communicate the boundary and its follow-through.
And when those boundaries are tested (which they often are during the holidays), your power comes from reaffirming your commitment:
“I meant what I said earlier, and I’m sticking to it.”
This isn’t about controlling others, it’s about taking responsibility for your own well-being.
Your Values Matter (Even When Others Don’t Share Them)
You may value rest, sobriety, calm, privacy, or emotional safety.
Others may value tradition, togetherness, or doing things “the way we’ve always done.”
Different values don’t make anyone wrong.
But your values get to guide your choices.
Boundaries are one of the ways we honor those values, even when others don’t agree or understand.
When the Holidays Don’t Match Your Vision
Many people enter the season hoping for connection or healing.
When reality feels messy or lonely, it can be painful.
You can’t control every dynamic.
But you can take your power back by:
staying present instead of performing
letting yourself feel what you feel
creating small moments of meaning
honoring your values
setting and upholding boundaries with clarity and self-compassion
How People May Test Your Boundaries (And What You Can Say)
People rarely say, “I don’t like your boundaries.” They often react in more subtle ways.
1. Acting Confused
“Why can’t you stay longer? We always do this.”
Try: “I know it’s different. This is what works for me right now.”
2. Rewriting Your Boundary
“You’re trying not to drink? One won’t hurt.”
Try: “I’m sticking to the boundary I set.”
3. Guilt as Concern
“We just worry about you.”
Try: “I appreciate that. I still need this boundary.”
4. Bringing Up the Past
“You were fine with this last year.”
Try: “Things have changed for me, and that’s okay.”
5. Silent Disappointment
Coldness, sighs, mood shifts.
Try: “I can see this is uncomfortable. The boundary still stands.”
6. Tradition as Pressure
“It’s not the holidays without ___.”
Try: “I care about our traditions, and I’m choosing what supports my well-being.”
7. Getting Others Involved
“Everyone thinks you’re overreacting.”
Try: “My choices don’t require everyone’s agreement.”
8. Agreeing Out Loud, Ignoring Later
“Of course!” …then behaving differently.
Try: “Just a reminder—I’m keeping that boundary.”
You’re Allowed to Choose Yourself
You don’t need a perfect holiday to be worthy.
You don’t need universal approval to set limits.
You don’t need to meet anyone’s expectations to belong.
You can:
be present without pretending
feel your feelings without apology
create meaning without perfection
honor your values even when others don’t share them
set and reaffirm boundaries that protect your peace
Happy Holidays,
Lindsay
