Happy Brains, Happy Families
This blog is being released as a primer for the third workshop in series that Dr. E Curl-Woodruff of Thompson Therapeutics & Mediation is hosting at the DeKalb Public Library on the third Tuesday of each month, from July to October, with Dr. E covering a sub-topic in each. This blog post supports the second workshop which will take place on September 15 at 6pm. Participants may attend one, some, or all sessions for FREE. For more information, go to: https://dkpl.org/events/#/events/Ug5hoWHURC/instances/NaKtiFlUIW/
The scenes have become an all too familiar part of our family’s lives. One day we take a hard look at our household and realize we have toddlers or elementary aged children who throw tantrums when we tell them it’s time to turn off the i-Pad; that we have a middle schooler who seems constantly impacted by the social dramas that come pouring out of their smartphones, even when school is not in session. Maybe we have a teenage son who is locked in the bedroom, prioritizing video game engagement over sleep, health, school, and all the activities he used to love, or a new graduate who seems unable to launch, let alone, thrive in the world of adults. Or maybe we look in the mirror and realize it’s us who are struggling. We have this sinking feeling that time seems to have sped up, that we never feel rested and always feel frazzled. We may be appalled to acknowledge the countless hours we spend scrolling – that we are numb as we engage in activities such as browsing but never really reading online articles, shopping for items we don’t really need, or watching short form videos that only serve to exhaust our nervous system.
If you are like many parents who worry about your children' s dependence on technology, you are not alone. In a 2024 study* of parental attitudes toward their children’s use of cellphones during relational activities such as family activities and mealtime, researchers found that parents had a very high discomfort with the phenomenon, usually due to concerns about children’s health and development of social skills. It is worth noting that a 2026** study found that the opposite was also true – that adolescents who observed their parents constantly scrolling on devices were less likely to feel they could rely on or trust the adults and were more likely to experience a phenomenon known as insecure attachment with their primary caregivers.
It can be very difficult to detach from the use of such technologies. Use of social media for socialization has become a cultural norm, educational and employment practices require many of us to stay engaged with our devices even after the final school or work bell has rung, and it seems like so many everyday activities – from banking to laundry mats to paying the waitstaff at a favorite restaurant – require us to download an app or create an online account. For these reasons and others, many of us feel that resisting 24/7 technology use is a battle not worth fighting. This blog explores reasons it might be worth considering taking this battle on as a whole family, creating a new culture in your whole household, and inviting likeminded families to do the same.
Technology, Our Child’s Brain, (and also Our Brain)
A review of research about the impact of excessive technology on children and adolescent’s brain development (and adults’ continued brain health across the lifespan) would far exceed the scope of a single blog. However, we should try to understand a few of the primary mechanisms regarding why this impact is so profound. This way we can feel empowered to pursue the sometimes difficult but always rewarding steps that follow the choice to reduce technology dependence, have tools to clearly explain our rationale to others, and ultimately invite other families to join in our efforts.
Early neural connections set the stage. In the first year of a baby’s life, over 1 million neural connections are made per second, with 80% of the brain’s landscape having formed in the first three years. Thus, early experiences set the baseline for everything that comes after. This is not to say that changes at any age cannot make a difference, but babies exposed to technology will begin life with a neural landscape that favors quick/easy solutions over long term goals and passive acceptance of primarily visual and aural stimulus over use of all senses for interactive/active discernment. Such children may exhibit lower distress tolerance, avoidance of challenges, and difficulty with social connection later in life. Of equal importance are brain connections that may fail to develop if children do not have parents who are fully engaged during these critical early years. Stimuli such as microfacial changes and eye dilations, vocal intonations, and subtle changes in quality and pressure of touch that adults subconsciously shift when holding, gazing at, and cooing at an infant teach the child’s brain a great deal about cues for who is and isn’t safe and trustworthy – cues they will continue to rely on through their lives. A parent whose gaze is locked on a phone, whose voice is monotone, or whose hands are busy scrolling will not provide that vital social learning.
Resilience is like a muscle; its strength is built over time. Children learn to be resilient adults by engaging with the world and those who inhabit it a little at a time with increasingly higher stakes. Skills such as self-reliance, problem solving, emotional regulation, and conflict management may start with a toddler crawling across the nursery toward a toy, finding that another child has gotten their first, and the two deciding that they can share. Years later, it may take the shape of a teenager navigating the strong emotions, ethical implications, and communication of difficult but necessary boundaries when a love interest pressures them to cheat on a test, skip school, or consume drugs or alcohol. Children who spend much of their time in the virtual world can start or end relationships with the click of a button instead of learning to navigate the relationship via uncomfortable conversations. Similarly, the lack of synchronization in online relationships does not expose developing minds to the impacts stress may have on their judgment when forced to make decisions in the moment.
Embodied play is a vital component of child development. In addition to the social and emotional lessons discussed above, children and adolescents’ interactions with the physical world is a vital part of their physical and cognitive development. Sections of the brain responsible for coordination, balance, impulse control, and fine motor skills must have an opportunity to fire in a variety of ways over a long period of time to prepare the child for the multitude of challenges they will encounter in the physical world. Similarly, children’s cognitive focus can be profoundly affected when they do not have an understanding of cues sent to their brains by their physical bodies and ways that such sensations may impact their decision making. These are among a number of reasons that the American Academy of Pediatrics recently stated that recess breaks are a vital component of school curriculums*** and that children should be encouraged to explore their physical worlds.
Recent trends meant to protect children may be harming them. The cultural shift toward overprotection of children in the physical world as well as overprotection of their emotions have led to lost opportunities to build self-efficacy in both arenas. Children whose schedules and activities are externally managed, who are not allowed to explore their surroundings, or who are not allowed to take other developmentally appropriate risks may come to believe they are incapable of doing such things when it comes time to do so in adulthood. The sight of a child walking through a neighborhood alone, while formerly quite common, may now lead concerned adults to call the authorities or lead to the parents being accused of being neglectful. A child may have previously filled idle time proactively learning about something (i.e., a craft or skill) that made them curious, having opportunities to “fail”, and learning the value of persisting. Now they may see any failure as intolerable due to images of influencers doing the activity perfectly combined with ideas promoted by our culture that any discomfort is unacceptable. Worse yet, they may see the idle time as so intolerable that even a five minute gap needs to be filled with an on demand video or a check of their social media accounts, and they never indulge the curiosity in the first place.
All of the above applies to adults too. Have you realized that you have started accepting as true the things you see on a short form video without exploring the evidence? When was the last time you realized that in person interactions had become uncomfortable because you so seldom engaged with others outside a very narrow window of family members, co-workers, or friends in real time? Are there times you feel you can't concentrate, but a quick walk around the block clears your head? Can you stand in a line at the grocery store or bank without pulling out your phone? When was the last time you tried a new activity or decided to learn something just because it interested you? Most, if not all, of the above principles apply to us, not just the children in our lives. Our behaviors and their impacts not only affect us; they impact our children.
The Family That Lives in the Real World Together…..
There are certainly success stories when one family member declares an intent to eat healthier, others don’t follow, and they still succeed. But anyone who’s done it knows how hard it can be. Similarly, when one family member attempts to change their relationship with technology, it can be done. However, when people in the same household work together, they are more likely to succeed. Parents can feel good knowing they are setting good examples for their children, and children can feel empowered knowing that their parents struggle too. What’s more, families can make plans for what they will do when they are not using technology – find new board games to play, join an artistic enterprise like a community theater together, or volunteer for a local non-profit – creating higher quality relationships where values are shared and quality memories are created. Families who adopt these practices can and should find other families who are doing the same thing, so their children don’t feel they are missing out when hanging out with friends, and so parents can have support.
*Lukavská, K., & Gabrhelík, R. (2024). Parental views on their children's smartphone use during personal and relational activities. PloS one, 19(8), e0308258. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0308258
**Grant D, Winston-Lindeboom P, Ruan-Iu L, Shackleford KE, Nosal B and Roeske M (2026) “Mommy, do you love your phone more than me?”: Parental device use and the adolescent-caregiver attachment bond. Front. Psychol. 17:1766665. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2026.1766665
***Robert Murray, Catherine Ramstetter, Daniel Woolridge, Charlene Woodham Brickman, Council on School Health; The Crucial Role of Recess in School: Policy Statement. Pediatrics June 2026; 157 (6): e2026077025. 10.1542/peds.2026-077025
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Interested in learning more about what you can do to help your family improve their brain health and specifically improve their relationship with technology? Please join Dr. “E” Elisa Curl-Woodruff at the DeKalb Public Library on September 15, 2026 at 6pm for a free interactive workshop on this subject.
If you are interested in more individual attention, E is now taking new clients. You can set up an appointment by calling 630-297-7559.
